A Reverse Prayer

A Reverse Prayer

© 2005 god

Hi there.

It's me, god. Or, well, i'm what you consider god, anyway. If i told you my real name, you wouldn't believe me, and you couldn't pronounce it, so why bother. It's unimportant anyway. Let's just go with god.

I prefer lower-case, by the way; i prefer not to draw too much attention to myself. It usually takes away from the important matter, whatever it might be. As it will, undoubtedly, now. I thank you for trying to capitalize me, it’s kind of you. But really, there's too much dogma as it is. Dogma doesn't feed the bulldog, as they say.

But that's not why i'm writing to you.

I've been hearing a buzz in my ears for a few weeks. I guess they're called weeks, anyway. Who can tell with 'time'?

And i don't really have ears...

My, i tend to digress a lot, don't i?

Anyway, many of you have been asking me for guidance and wisdom and intercession. Oh, yes, there's the reason. I see now: Terri Schiavo.

Pity.

I'm afraid i can't help.

Well, i could. So let me rephrase that: i'm afraid i won't help. Actually, i'm not afraid at all; i just won't help.

You have all the guidance and wisdom you need to have, and i won't intercede. I made free will just so i wouldn't have to. I made the universe the way i made it so i wouldn't constantly have to baby-sit it. You aren't toys. You're people. People with free will and minds that are inquisitive and always learning and searching.

Do you know how proud that makes me? Pride isn't a sin, by the way; but arrogance is. Thomas Aquinas could have used a decent thesaurus.

You're always searching for new ways to do old things, new ways to do new things, old ways to do new things... You people are just really creative. And those of you who want to use old ways to do old things, that's good too. It always helps to remember how you got to where you are.

Nothing happens without a purpose, and the purpose is to learn. There isn't a single thing that happens that cannot be learned from.

I'm aware, for example, that many of you want to point fingers at me for creating tidal waves, and blah blah blah. Phooey. I didn't do that. I didn't even make the world; i made the universe and the rules that hold it together. 'Physics', i think you call it. Good name. The universe made the world using those rules.

The point of tidal waves is not to lament the suffering, but to learn from it. What did you learn? Please remember that there isn't One All Important Message to take away from it. Those of you who are good with physics are learning what sort of physical events occur before earthquakes, and what sort of earthquakes make tidal waves. Those of you who are good with mechanics [also a good word; i like it very much] are learning what sort of machines you can make that can warn others when those physical events occur so that you can get away from the tidal waves. Those of you who are good with... money? is it? odd concept... are learning how to alter your financial priorities so that you can make those machines and put them where they need to be.

And that's not all there is to learn.

But that's not all i'm being criticized for, either. I'm being criticized for allowing so much hurt and pain because of the tidal wave. Families lost children, or parents, or brothers and sisters ... and that hurts those who are still living.

I'm sorry ... and i truly am sorry ... but i didn't cause that pain. You did. It hurts to lose part of your family only if you allow it to hurt. Pain of that sort is what happens when you aren't learning.

Many families lost babies. But they aren't lost; those families just don't have them anymore. And they are blaming others for it. Or worse, themselves. Or, in a desperate act of futility – trust me on this – me.

There is no blame. None at all.

It doesn't matter.

Nothing was created or destroyed. Just changed. It's all still there. But those who have lost family that they love have mistaken their love for ownership and control. So when their baby dies in a tidal wave, they feel a loss of ownership, instead of the love for their baby who is only changed.

You do not own or control anything but yourself; there is free will.

I could tell you right now whether or not each of the "victims" [not a good word, i don't like it. Please stop using it]... I could tell you right now whether or not each of those who died or were injured in the tidal wave ... or the last flood, or the next typhoon ... chose to endure those conditions, because i know the answer to that question.

So do you, but you don't realize it yet. You won't realize it for quite a while. Which is fine, and it's the way it should be. You are still learning, after all, and you are making me proud when you do.

Besides, it wouldn't be good for you or me to have me to give you the answers. You'd resent it sooner or later, probably sooner, and then i'd just catch more flak. 'Flak' is also a good word; very descriptive, and fitting in this case.

I know the answers to all the questions there are or could ever be, because i choose to know. You choose to learn those answers slowly, and so i gave you 'time' to do it in. I know, for example, whether or not Terri Schiavo is aware of her surroundings, or whether she is little more than a battery-operated plastic, robotic pet dog [very clever gift idea at one time, by the way].

Many people who have learned about medicine have given their views on it, and not all of those views are in agreement.

Free will is sometimes messy, but then most things that are free always will be.

But keep these questions in mind: if Terri is aware of what she's going through, then isn't keeping her in that condition what you call cruelty? If she's not aware, but is just a battery-operated human shell, then isn't keeping her in that condition what you would consider wasteful of the resources that could help others?

Your purpose... if it can be said that you actually have a purpose, and you do... is to learn. What are you learning from keeping Terri Schiavo's heart beating, and her lungs inflating?

Are you learning medicine? Are you learning mercy? Are you learning patience and understanding of those who love a woman differently from the way you love her? Or are you confusing that love with ownership?

In the end, of course, it doesn't matter. All things are one, and everything is complete. Terri Schiavo has free will the same as her parents, and the same as her husband. What you choose to do, in the end, doesn't matter. And to be honest, 'the end' is here, right now. You only have this thing called 'time' to stop it all from happening at once, and so that you can learn. "Over time".

So let me ask you again: what are you learning?

I empathize with Terri's parents, greatly. I know exactly what they're going through. I've gone through it so much more often with every single thing ever. I see everything as my child. Rocks, giraffes, interspatial ionoids [which you haven't discovered yet], quasars -- i'm doing wonderful things with quasars now, if i may be so immodest to say. They are all my children.

I love each and every one. But i've let them all go. Because that's what love is. A parent who loves his child teaches that child and then let's the child go to allow it to continue learning on its own. To grab the child back is ownership. To accept the child back is the parents', and child's, free will.

Terri exercised her own free will right up to the moment medical science and the law says she couldn't. And now there is a titanic struggle over who gets to exercise free will in her place, in her name.

I know the answer and so, if you choose, do you. I will not give you the answers, but will only say this: Terri is still exercising her own free will, the same as she always has, and as she always will.

To many of you, this means that she is "conscious" and "aware" and that pulling the plug [quaint phrase, very descriptive, but it's somewhat unsettling] would be morally wrong.

To many others of you, this means that Terri is deliberately choosing to stay in her present condition, which means that she wants to leave it to the rules that exist. Those rules say that her husband chooses. That's as good a rule as any, i suppose.

But neither of these are necessarily how it's working. Or why. It might be, but then it might not. I'm not saying one way or another. There are many things going on all at once, and ... nope, i just checked: none of you are aware of them all.

The important thing is for you to learn something from this. Learning medicine, learning how to prevent Terri's condition, or how to pull someone else out of Terri's condition, is important, and I'd be proud of you for learning that.

Learning mercy, learning that it is sometimes important to stop the unnecessary continuation of painful conditions, is also something I'd be proud of you for learning. But what I'm not proud of is that many of you are not applying what you have already learned.

How many times do you have to learn that fighting over who loves someone else the most doesn't help?

I would be very proud of you all if you did what the parents want to do, keep her plugged in, keep her battery charged up, and everyone pull together and help each other love her and live without her really being there. For a long time, that's what you all did, and it was encouraging. It was a very proud sight for me. And sometimes such patience and hope pays off. Miracles happen sometimes.

I would also be very proud of you if you all did what the husband wants to do, pull her plug, show Terri what you call "mercy" and stop her from undergoing what you think is "suffering", and then all pull together and remember the joy that Terri provided you while she was there. Miracles are miraculous because they don't happen very often, and knowing that you cannot rely upon them is wise.

Both of those are important things to learn.

But you aren't doing either of them.

Instead you're angrily pointing at each other, and blaming each other. And you are accusing each other of "playing god", of playing me.

If there was ever anything funny to come out of this, that is it. I am offended by your "playing me" the same as you are offended by your children playing grown-up.

This may come as a shock to a great many of you [of course it will, i know it already does] but the reason you are here, alive, living your lives and learning and creating, is for one reason only: to play god.

I want you to play god. That is what makes me proud of you. So what if you don't always get it right the first time. Or the first several times, even. It doesn't matter. In the end, you will. And as i said before, the end is here, now, and only separated from this current moment by a thing called 'time' which keeps everything from happening at once.

And again, there is no blame, ever. Blame doesn't exist. It's something you created yourselves to account for the realities you don't want to accept. There are no victims, either. That's another of your creations.

See? you've been playing me this whole time.

Play god all you want. Just, and this is all i wanted to tell you, learn something from it. Learn whatever you want to learn: mercy, medicine, hope, patience, understanding, whatever. As long as you learn, you're on the right path, and i'm proud. Just as you are proud when your child learns to tie his shoes or bakes you pebble-chip cookies out of mud batter and flavored with grass.

What disappoints me is when you put your learning aside to blame, when you confuse your love for each other with ownership. Let go; it's crucial for both love and learning.

Now, if you'll excuse me, i have some cosmic forces to monkey around with [also a catchy phrase; monkeys are fascinating, if i do say so myself]. Apropos of nothing, "dark matter" isn't a good description for it, but you'll find that out soon enough.

Only a few of you truly suspect this, but i'm more like a kid playing with sticks and mud in a ditch after a spring rain than an old man sitting on a gilded throne. It's much more interesting to set forces in motion and see what happens with them than to sit in judgment of the things which happen. I don't like judgment much. It's pointless.

And in the end... which, again, is already here... it doesn't matter. Whatever will happen to Terri already has; i've seen it. Like the chess player who can see fifteen moves ahead, with every permutation of every possible choice, so can i. Only a lot farther than fifteen moves. I can see to the end. I'm god, remember?

It's all right. It will work out, it has worked out. The pain and hurt you are feeling is what you've done to yourselves. By your own free will.

The same free will can stop it from hurting. If you choose. I could make it stop, too, but i won't, because then you’ll learn nothing and just resent the intrusion. You don't really want the intercession you're asking for. And you already have the guidance and wisdom to stop the hurt, if you choose to.

Please choose to.