As if On Cue

As if On Cue…
© 2006 Ross Williams

Just about a year ago, a Danish newspaper commissioned Danish cartoonists to depict the prophet Mohammed to test the theory that western liberal freedoms were cowering under threats from islamist – um – fascism. So twelve cartoons were printed, a few of which depicted islam as an inherently violent religion, and muslims in most of the world responded by saying “IT IS A LIE!! ISLAM IS NOT VIOLENT!! WE ARE A RELIGION OF PEACE!! RENOUNCE YOUR LIES OR WE WILL KILL YOU!!”

To be fair, muslims in the US and Canuckia responded mostly by writing the same type of letters to the editor as every other North American writes: “oh, golly, it’s just so unfair…!” Dry your tears, Hassan; we’re glad to see you assimilating.

Well, earlier this week, Pope Benedict – and contrary to popular belief, the German Pope has not issued an edict to place a 200-watt light bulb above the chair in the confessional, or leave short lengths of rubber hose lying about – Pope Benedict gave a speech to some catholics at the University of Regensburg in which he recited some statements from a Byzantine emperor of the 14th century.

Benedict was talking about inter-religion intolerance. How christianity and islam have been rude to each other for centuries. And he quoted the rude statements of Emperor Paleologus to show how long christianity has been rude to islam. Paleologus said "God is not pleased by blood -- and not acting reasonably is contrary to God's nature."

Paleologus followed that with "Show me just what Mohammed brought that was new, and there you will find things only evil and inhuman, such as his command to spread by the sword the faith he preached."

This is rude. It as much as declares islam to be an inherently violent religion … which we know is not the case. Mass uprisings over cartoons which call for random murder doesn’t typify their religion any more than planes hijacked by muslims to destroy the world’s tallest building in the name of islam being cheered by hundreds of millions of muslims in their mosques.

No; simply because most of the world’s muslims celebrate the violent attacks on western civilization made in the name of islam doesn’t mean that they or their religion supports such violence. How could we ever have drawn that inference?

Silly us.

So when Benedict said, essentially, “We’re rude to islam, and we’ve been rude since at least the 14th century when the Byzantine emperor said … even though the Koran says ‘no force in matters of faith’ … ”, a reasonable person would expect the islamic world to say “Damn straight! Thanks, Pope, for admitting that christianity has been rude to islam!”

Right?

Oh, but I said “reasonable person”. And that doesn’t seem to include many muslims. For when the Pope said in a speech that christianity is rude to islam, demonstrations and protests erupted in muslim parts of the world denouncing the Pope, demanding apologies and calling his statements a lie.

…pretty much on cue, if The Danish Dozen are anything to go by. Pakistan has already passed a law about it.

Whether the Pope apologizes or not, riots are next, a few random lootings and razings, a bomb or three, a few people will get killed, and in some months one-point-five billion muslims will, in unison, take a deep breath and dig their wadded undies out of the crack of their ass.

This will only serve to remind us, yet again, that islam is not the violent religion that the bigoted twerps who see only the riots and bombs and the mass cheerings for riots and bombs believe it to be. …and that the Pope said we shouldn’t be thinking it is.

Darn that islam-apologist Pope Benedict Allah, anyhow!

So in the interest of world peace and quiet – particularly quiet – and though I am not catholic and think catholicism and catholics are patently silly, I hereby apologize on behalf of the Pope and retract his statements for him:

Christianity has not been rude to islam down through the centuries.

It is not inappropriate to describe as violent a religion which preaches expedient violence in contradiction of [part of] its scripture.

We do not need to learn to get along with islam if the world is to become a peaceful place.

There.

I hope – but am not counting on – that this is sufficient to halt the burgeoning self-righteous indignation currently welling up in the muslim-dominated parts of the globe. …again. I also hope – but am also not counting on – American and Canuckian muslims who read the Pope’s statements will have the comprehension abilities of at least a high school graduate before they write their inevitable letters to the editor to protest the unfairness of it all.