Dignity for the Undignified

Dignity for the Undignified
© 2006 Ross Williams

Some people just don’t have the sense god gave a gnat.

Illegal immigration is a problem for this nation, and for one simple reason: this nation is a better place than almost anywhere on the planet. You don’t see illegal immigration in Canada, for example. Canuckia and Canuckians often like to portray themselves as better than us.

Yeah? then why aren’t Mexicans busting down your doors to live there, eh? How many crates full of cordwood-stacked Chinese do you find being unloaded on Vancouver wharfs? The only illegals Canuckia manages to attract are middle eastern, and then only as an entry point to North America. Once the illegal middle easterner lands in Canada, it’s just a sneak across the longest unguarded border in the world to wage jihad on Great Satan America.

We’re it, folks. Everyone wants to be here. Mexicans and Chinese, because they can prosper. A few others … because they want to wage war.

But if you’re going to be here to prosper or to wage war, either one, there’s just one requirement you have to comply with: you must have the proper paperwork.

We’ve got millions of unpapered immigrants currently living here, and brainless boobs are lining up on opposite sides of the issue to squawk their equally ridiculous nonsense.[1]

First up is US Congresscritter from Wisconsin, Jim Senselessbrenner. Rather, Sensenbrenner. Too many illegal immigrants in the US taking up too much of our resources, including money, so therefore let’s call them all felons and throw them in prison for a year or more so that they can continue to use up our resources, including money, and now, also, our federal prison space.

Playing Senatorial Frick to this House Frack, is Bill Frist. Both have sponsored legislation to classify paperless immigration as a felony.

Brains, being in short supply in our capitol, it probably never occurred to anyone that if foreigners are here illegally, we probably have a good idea who they are and where they are… scoop them up and send them back home. Is the process of deporting illegals cumbersome and bureaucratic? Then address that, lawmakers.

Is the process of getting the proper papers in the first place cumbersome and bureaucratic? There’s something else to address.

If those are the problems, and there’s little doubt they are since everyone on either side acknowledges that much, fixing them isn’t done by reclassifying illegals as felons. That just makes more problems: what do you do with – estimated – 12 million individual federal felony cases?

…besides not prosecute, that is, because we have neither the room on the docket nor the prison space?

And there should be no doubt in anyone’s mind that the US could not even begin to prosecute the illegals we have. Don’t go suggesting that, “well, you don’t put the illegals convicted under this new law into federal prison, you deport them…” because now you’re right back at square one: having to go through the separate federal court process for deportation. Only now, you’ve spent the time and effort and money to convict them of a felony first.

So now we’re deporting them for being felonious immigrants instead of just illegal immigrants.

There must be something I’m missing, here, because either way they end up being mailed back home. Only, deporting a felony immigrant takes two steps, costs more money and takes far longer than the one step process of deporting a mere illegal immigrant. And wasting time, effort and money is so much better.

Right?

Isn’t it?

It must be, because that’s what Congress wants us to do.[2]

Wanting us to do stupid things is not just the desire of the idiots in Congress, either. All kinds of world-revolves-around-me activists want everyone to do stupid things, and they’re saying stupid things in the process.

Yes, even stupider things than Senselessbrenner, when he calls a law giving illegals a felony record a “compassionate” manner of addressing the problem.

People who don’t want immigration legislation are accusing people who do of trying to deport the estimated 11 to 12 million illegals in the US. As if that’s a bad thing, or something.

Of course they’re trying to deport illegals. Good god, grow a brain. If someone is in the US illegally, then they need to be sent away almost as soon as they’re found. It isn’t a matter of “do we deport these people”; it’s a matter of “how do we deport these people”.

The options obviously include the method used today, which is top-heavy, bureaucracy-riddled, officious and rude, and it also includes streamlining the process to make deportation almost immediate. We can even give the illegal an exit-packet – written in English – on how to properly apply for US immigration. Include the forms. Written in English. If the would-be immigrant is serious, then he can learn the English necessary to get through the forms, send the forms to the US consulate in Tijuana, and come back when he gets approved.

Then there are the activists for illegal immigration. These are the people who seem to think that Mexico and Guatemala are two US states, just really, really southern states, and moving from El Salvador to California to pick lettuce is the equivalent of moving from New Jersey to Montana. Even though the culture clash would be far more traumatic, moving from Jersey to Montana is legal to do, while moving from Honduras to the San Fernando valley is not – unless you have the proper paperwork.

Speaking of paperwork… The activists for illegal immigrants complain that immigration laws might prevent the illegal from getting a drivers license or medicaid.

Again … duh.

If someone enters your home because he’s cold and hungry, and helps himself to the leftovers in your fridge, turns up the thermostat, and co-opts the guest room, are you obliged to give him the keys to the car and put him on your dental plan?

I don’t think so.

Not even if he could really use some dentistry.

He needs to leave. It’s just a matter of what circumstances he leaves by. In the back of a cop car after being accused of stealing the jewelry and silver? Or taken to a transient shelter and given a few old clothes that were being saved for the clothing drive?

Congress prefers to accuse the guy of stealing the silver tea set; activists for illegal immigration prefer that the guy be given car keys and a dental appointment… to be paid for by the homeowner.

Has no one seriously thought of giving the guy a few old clothes from the basement and drive him to the homeless shelter? If he needs a job, can we not invite him back to mow the lawn for a few bucks?[3] If he does a real good job, can he not sleep in the shed?[4]

Apparently not. These are polarizing times, and only idiotic options can be discussed in public. And discussed idiotically. Laws attempting to deal with illegal immigration are going to “destroy human dignity”, boo hoo, and drive illegal immigration underground – as if tunnels under the border are above-board.

Um, exactly how dignified is it to cram yourselves 15 to the Buick? 300 to the crate? Got any dignity to spare after that midnight dodge across the border and over the chain link fence topped with razor wire? Bleeding foreigners with shredded clothes are chock full of dignity, aren’t they? Running at the mere mention of “INS” probably just means you’re getting exercise. Right?

People who claim that the current system is broken are correct. Those who claim that it is too difficult to be a legal immigrant, and therefore easier to illegally migrate, are also correct. Those who claim that it is too difficult to deport illegals are right as well. But being right about what’s wrong doesn’t do much good when the only solutions offered are idiotic.

Turning illegals into felons is just as dumb as giving them drivers licenses, medicaid and public education. It’s a tie; you’re both brainless. Congratulations.

Make it easier to get the paperwork for immigration – particularly from Mexico, our neighbor and friend – and make it easier to deport illegals, and be polite while doing it. Especially to the Mexicans, who are our neighbors and friends. And while deporting them, give them the forms to apply for the proper paperwork. In English.

Why does this have to be so difficult?



[1] http://www.cnn.com/2006/US/03/23/latino.march/index.html
[2] “Suppose you were an idiot. Then suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.” - Mark Twain
[3] screw minimum wage laws
[4] screw zoning ordinances