Days of Atonement
©2011 Ross Williams
Headline: Sarandon Calls Pope Nazi
Article Synopsis: Susan Sarandon referred to the current Pope, not the prior Pope, as a Nazi at a film festival in The Hamptons. The crowd didn’t mind; the crowd didn’t appear to notice. Catholics did mind, though, and demanded an apology. Jews also objected and demanded that Sarandon apologize to Catholics.
Godwin’s Law for Dummies: Sarandon can’t pull off the ballsy bombshell leading woman like she used to, and is now more suited to being the frumpy spinster with 95 cats. Unless she can gain herself some free publicity by uttering gratuitous ‘edgy’ comments, that is. Then Hollywood producers will see that she can still be the ballsy bombshell living by her own uncompromising rules.
Those rules call for universal love, tolerance, patience and acceptance, for she is a liberal. And she holds fast to those uncompromising rules unless one is rich and non-liberal, or religious. Or, apparently, had been forcibly abducted at gunpoint into Hitler’s youth programs as a teenager. Then all bets are off.
Conclusion: You know you stepped in it when both the Catholics and the Jews are outraged. Breathe through your eyelids, sweetie.
Headline: Facebook Fans Unite for Blago
Article Synopsis: Former IL Governor and Senate Seat Seller Rod Blagojevich is up for sentencing soon, and his wife Patti asked her 1,500 facebook friends to write letters extolling her husband’s virtues that the attorney can present to the judge in lieu of character witnesses. A facebook post wishes Rod could be President.
Land of Lincoln, indeed: Blago’s other friends are all in office, in jail, or indicted, and their testimony at the sentencing hearing would be worthless. So the call went out to those Illinois citizens whose lives were personally touched – for the better – by the graft and corruption of IL Democrats’ machine politics.
And who in Illinois wasn’t touched for the better? The best part of IL Democrats’ machine politics is that nobody gets hurt. ...unless you consider your government being sold to the highest bidder to be painful, or bribery and extortion to be atrocious, or barefaced rationalizations of all of it to be degenerate.
Conclusion: Rod for President. With all the bids and bribes and paying-to-play he’d bring with him, he’d have the federal government solvent in no time, just like he did with Illinois. We never give imposture enough credit.
Headline: Deferred Doomsday Due Friday
Article Synopsis: Harold Camping, whose religious crackpottery predicted the end of the world on May 21 2011, rescheduled the event to Oct 21 2011 when the world refused to end on time. His other end of the world failed to materialize in 1994. In the event that this newest apocalypse also fails to arrive, we are slated for a series of End Days in 2012 that are sure to have at least one winner in the bunch.
Repent, sinners, for the end is nigh: We have the Mayan calendar nonsense to worry about. The Mayan priests – good at math but not good at inventing wheels – constructed an intricate calendar that lasted for 3,600 years. Sadly, the Maya lost their civilization about 600 years before their calendar ran out, and they never got around to making a new one. The lack of a new Mayan calendar has some New Age-y types running around like a chicken without a new calendar, and the last day of the Mayan Long-Count is therefore ripe with meaning – apart from the Mayans needing to go to Hallmark and buy a calendar, that is.
Also full of meaning is the reappearance of Planet X, which is the reputed “twelfth planet” that coincides with both amazing technological advancements in human civilization as well as major disruptions to same. The same millennialists who dispute Mayan sagacity wield this in its place, when they aren’t wielding the Amazonian battle-axe of polar alignment with the center of the galaxy which ushers in the age of matrilineal world-rule.
Then there are the asteroids, polar shifts and cosmic rays of yet other millennialists who use more and more scientific foofaraw to explain the plausibility of their particular boogeyman. All have events occurring, predicted, or “possible” in 2012 and that cannot be summarily dismissed as easily as Harold Camping’s lunacy can. These other predictions or “possibilities” are scientific, after all, and not based on a groundless and mere belief that god will punish the sins of mankind.
Conclusion: Pull up a rocking chair to the porch and crack open a beer. There’s sure to be fireworks, if only due to the lack of fireworks.
Headline: Midwest October Drier and Warmer
Article Synopsis: Many parts of the American Midwest have gone without rain for three weeks, and the temperature has been above average for most of the region. The usual suspects attribute it to Global Warming. Meteorologists take a break from watching meteors to predict cold and rain coming soon.
Weren’t we just ...: Among the possible ends of the world is climatic change, due to the actions of mankind. When the weather is warm, “climate change” is called Global Warming and is used to frighten the gullible into avoiding the beach due to the imminent rise of the oceans; when the weather is cold, “climate change” is called Climate Change and is among the paradoxes that continually provide science with the opportunity to prove up is down and black is white; when the weather is normal, “climate change” is called a “conspiracy by deniers” to mock the findings of science without having a proper appreciation for it.
Global Warming is a clearly scientific possibility, and has nothing at all to do with unproven beliefs or the sins of mankind, and thus it cannot be dismissed as the same type of religious twaddle as most other apocalypses are. Just because it is entirely predicated on the sins of mankind, the belief in which has not yielded a single scientifically demonstrated prediction, and will entail the destruction of civilization does not mean that it is ... like ... built around a religious belief that the sins of mankind will bring about their ultimate destruction, or anything.
It’s completely different.
It’s science, dammit!
Conclusion: When you go out to the porch to watch the fireworks, dress for warm weather. Or for cold. They’re a little unclear about which. But isn’t that just like the apocalypse to be unpredictable?