The Hokey in the Pokey

How to Pass ‘Go’ and Collect $200
©2011 Ross Williams

Headline: Jail Time for Water Claims

Article Synopsis: European water bottlers will be prevented by a European Union ruling from claiming that water hydrates anyone who drinks it. A three year investigation by EU “scientists” finds no credible evidence that drinking water prevents or treats the medical condition of dehydration. Claiming so in advertisement may cost two years in prison. The British health department disputes the ruling.

How Dry I Am: So ... idiot bureaucrats have declared that water is no longer wet. We might have expected this from a continent steeped in virulently fantastical socialist beliefs. Two plus two has equaled twenty-two for decades in places like Greece and Italy and Spain and ... and ... and ... And we see what it’s doing to them.

Not to mention what it’s doing to us. Whose 401K hasn’t become a 298K in the past several months? Water isn’t wet is just the next step in bureaucratic surrealism. Up is down and black is white have been on the books for a while.

War is peace, slavery is freedom and ignorance is strength will come next. “The euro is burning, the EU is falling apart and yet here they are: highly-paid, highly-pensioned officials worrying about the obvious qualities of water and trying to deny us the right to say what is patently true.”

Conclusion: Okay, then. Advertising that water is ... like, water can get you imprisoned in Europe. We’ll be sure not to do that!


Headline: Ohio Woman Faces Jail for Feeding Squirrels

Article Synopsis: A Kettering Ohio woman has a court hearing scheduled in December for two counts of criminal trespassing in her over-exuberant wildlife charity. She could see 60 days in jail. She fed the squirrels peanuts.

When Life Hands You Peanuts...: Feeding squirrels – or rabbits, geese, pigeons or alligators – will always have the effect of attracting those animals, plus many others, to the area. When wildlife is attracted to an area, nature ensues.

The ensuing nature in this case was ravaged gardens, chewed wiring, air conditioners clogged with nuts, and at least one resident who had to move because a grandchild has a “severe allergy” to peanuts. Unmentioned in the article were the feral dogs and cats, foxes, coyotes or other predators drawn to the area due to the greater abundance of squirrels ... and chipmunks, mice, voles, raccoons, skunks, groundhogs, opossums ...

When this feeding of nature is done on someone else’s property it will also attract the ire of neighbors, and depending on how much ire is attracted, the attention of the police as well. The rogue naturalist has conceded that from now on she will, with “a few exceptions”, confine her feedings to her property which will satisfy the letter of the Laws of Man. That won’t, however, materially alter the Laws of Nature, which does not observe property boundaries.

As long as the squirrels [et al] are being fed, the gardens will be ruined, the wiring chewed, and the air conditioners choked. And that will attract the attention of the feral dogs and cats [et al]. The neighbors will be just as unhappy but powerless to do anything.

Conclusion: Alright, feeding squirrels peanuts can get you sent to jail if you do it on someone else’s property. Gotcha.


Headline: House Committee Threatens DHS Over Subpoena

Article Synopsis: A House judiciary subcommittee had subpoenaed information from DHS on the disposition of illegal immigrants interacting with federal immigration authorities after being arrested by local, state or federal law enforcement. The committee wants to know how many were deported and how many were released by our immigration enforcement and went on to commit further crime. DHS sent a list of numbers ranging from 1 to 220,955, while claiming that 89% more illegal immigrants were deported in 2011 than in 2008.

Then Show Your Work: Of the nearly 221 thousand illegal immigrants arrested in 2009 by all levels of law enforcement, there were around 216 thousand individual persons. This means that there were as many as around five thousand illegal immigrants arrested multiple times – just in 2009. The list supplied does not account for arrest in 2010 or 2011.

Ascertaining whether the Immigration bureau under our outstanding Department of Homeland Security is actually doing their job is a relevant question to have answered. As many as 5,000 jobs were not done the first time since they were let go to be arrested again, and another possibly 211 thousand jobs may not have been done, either; all that’s known about them is that they were not arrested again in that year.

Congress would like to know who these people are so they can check to see if they had been arrested in other years, thus indicating the depth of DHS’s Immigration section not doing its job. This job, we recall, is the one that the Justice Department claims is made more difficult by individual states passing laws that require them to turn over to the feds all those arrested who are not citizens or documented aliens ... which is what the feds require anyway.

Conclusion: So ... don’t tell people that water is wet, and don’t feed squirrels from the neighbors’ yards ... but come to the US illegally and get arrested for criminal activity and the feds will ignore you. This is good information to know. ...for someone. Mostly illegal immigrants, I imagine.